{SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW.}

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

{ at the end of the tunnel, i see light }

Going through trials are a part of life. Maybe all these trials are a test from heaven. Maybe God wants to mould and train people into stronger beings...

Looking back, i realised i have gone through many things in life that many people have yet to go through. I can say that i am glad that the past has long gone. People make mistakes in the past, but if a person can change themselves and become a better person? Why do people judge when they themselves are not perfect? Isnt acceptance an easier option?

I know im seeing a brink of light as i walked further and further towards the end of the tunnel. He was there to hold my hands, love me and encourage me all these while... 2 and a half years might seem short. But it was a very long journey for me... I counted every step i made and fell many times along the way. I told myself i have to stand up and move forward. Its no longer about me anymore. Its about us. I have to do it!

During this period, i went back to school through his financial assistance. I am very grateful to be given a chance that many people are deprived of. Although i was thankful, going back to school was hard for me. I remember struggling to keep up with simple assignments and gotten mediocre grades for the first semester. I pushed myself although i have to admit im not as hardworking as my fellow unimates who study without sleeping during exam week.

I quitted my thrill seeking life. I now focused on being Mrs Lee. But there were things i have yet to come to terms with that made myself miserable. I was admitted to Changi Hospital for drug overdose mid 2006. Maybe its the tremendous pressure of studying, maybe its the teething period of us living together, maybe its me moving into a new environment, maybe we haven gotten any blessings from our parents, maybe its his empty look that even today i still cant understand, maybe its me trying to mould myself into someone im really not...

But throughout all these trials, we still stuck together. We forgave each other even as both of us turned into violent monsters. Every quarrel or fight we had, whether big or small lasted for less than 24 hours. We missed each other terribly everytime either one of us goes overseas.

As months passed, i continue to progress with time. In Dec last year, i finally passed my driving. It was all thanks to his encouragement, telling me to just imagine driving the tester to the market. I was lucky to be able to hone my driving skills with his Toyota. How many people have cars to drive immediately after getting their licence? On 13 Feb 2007, he came back with a new nissan latio. Its our new car he said.

By now, life couldnt be any happier. I was blissful all the time until he brought up my past again... There were again weekly bouts of quarreling and fighting.... I is tired. However, i didnt give up on us because we both know how much we loved each other. I decided to seek treatment with a srink.

I thought its good to learn to be independent. I made my stand and went on a 2 week trip with my close friends despite objections from Mr Lee. I was severely homesick after 5 days into the trip. Just when i was making arrangements to come home earlier, we quarreled again. The lack of trust for each other caused another rift between us. I returned with a heavy heart after 14 days to see nobody waiting for me at the arrival hall. I didnt give up. I know he loves me. I waited. Waiting can be a bittersweet experience when he showed up 10 mins later. It was as though im hugging my husband for the first time.

Yesterday, God decided to place me on trial again... However this time round, i see light. I cant change my past but i can mould my future. I will not hurt myself or do stupid things even though it hurts to death when Mr Lee told me he doesnt love me anymore. I will wait. I truely want to walk the path of light together with Mr Lee. For better for worse.

ApriL @
9:01 am;